Well, it seems I've been co-opted, against my will and all that. So, please, DO NOT CLICK ON ONE OF THE ADS YOU SEE ON MY BLOG!! I am trying to decide if I should deactivate the entire damn thing and start my own website, where no douche bag can fuck me this way. But, for now, just ignore the disgusting crap you see on this site that wasn't written by me (you may think what I write is disgusting crap, but that's okay as long as you read it first).

Again, these bastards advertising on my site did not ask permission nor pay me for the privelege of using my site - tell them to fuck off by never clicking on their ads!

Thanks, and back to my political obsession - see my next post.

I was forced to think about racism again this morning. I swear, it is just EVERYWHERE. Today it was my neighbor’s friends. My neighbor works nights and almost every morning he and his buddies are sitting in his garage, drinking to excess, and talking loudly about whatever. Normally I can hear them but not make out the words. Today I was outside so it was all crystal clear. This friend (his, not mine) was spouting off all kinds of anti-Semitic garbage. It was like listening to Mel Gibson try to get out of a traffic ticket. For some reason this brought to mind a conversation I had with my mom a couple of weeks ago. 

We were discussing the election and the viability of Obama’s candidacy. In case you were completely in the dark, I support Obama in a big way. Not in a lesser-of-two-evils way, but in a I-really-like-this-guy-and-believe-in-him-and-think-he’ll-lead-this-country-to-a-new-era-of-greatness way. Mom doesn’t like him, for no reason I’ve been able to discern other than his party affiliation (but that’s a post for another time) and I voiced my concern about people’s willingness, when it comes right down to it, to pull the lever for a black man (I’ve since gotten over that fear). Anyway, she agreed and related to me a conversation she’d had earlier that week during a “Red Hatter” lunch. If you don’t know, the Red Hat ladies are those groups of 50-something women you’ll see pour out of a minivan or SUV at Applebee’s or wherever, all wearing red hats. That’s the extent of my knowledge. My mom isn’t an actual member of this group, but maybe is going to join or something, I don't know, because she’s joined them for lunch a few times.  

Anyway, long story short (too late) one of the “ladies” (I can’t bring myself to call a racist a lady, hence the quotes) flatly stated that she’d never vote for a black man. Mom relates this tale to me and ends with, “You have to admire her for being honest at least.” No, I don’t have to honor her honesty. I can and do despise her bigotry. I can and do feel pity for someone so devoid of self-worth and integrity that she has to build up her own self-esteem by hating those different from her. I can and do feel horror that not only is this sentiment still common in our country but so acceptable that you can announce it to a group of friends over lunch with no shame or embarrassment. I could go on, but you get the point.  

I’d like to take a moment and send a hearty thank you, a shout-out if you will, to all you political pundits and advisors. Is Ang smoking crack? No, she’s totally serious.  

If this election goes the way I’m pretty sure it’s going to (don’t wanna get too cocky, I was positive ’04 would go the other way and look what happened) then we have political advisors and talking heads to thank for it. And I for one am so grateful that they are so stupid. It’s simple logic, people, but then logic and politics don’t go well together. Am I not making sense? I’ll try to muddy it up some for you. See, the pundits and talking heads were warning all through the primaries and even after he got the nom that McCain wasn’t conservative enough. He has to court the right. They don’t believe he’s a true conservative. Yada, yada, blah, blah. You all know what I’m talking about. But the best part is, McCain believed them! His advisors believed them! So this middle of the road guy who I swear to god I actually said of in 2000: “If we have to have a Republican president, I wouldn’t mind him” – this middle of the road guy started pandering to the hard right. And I mean PANDERING. Holy Jesus did he fuck up. And in the whole mess, we saw what McCain is truly made of. If you’re willing to chuck your beliefs that fast, then you say more about yourself than any amount of speech writing ever could. And if you bring Palin into the ticket hoping to attract women from the Hillary camp, you announce loud and clear how much you really dislike women (how else can you explain thinking any self-respecting Hillary supporter would go for Palin? We need more than a vagina, John). 

Now, I know I’m just a self-employed transcriptionist living in BFE with no political degree (or any other kind of degree for that matter). But. Like I said up there, this is simple logic. Who decided the last few elections? Swing voters. Independents. Undecideds. Those middle of the road people who make up this country. We aren’t a country of radicals. Well, we have some on both sides, but most of us are somewhere near the middle in our ideals. And those people liked the old John McCain (which is the real one? I’ve no idea). He wasn’t scary and he seemed like maybe he actually cared more about his country than his own power (Jon Stewart had him on his show repeatedly and that guy’s a total Dem).  That’s who McCain should have been courting (not Jon Stewart, middle America). The hard right was NEVER going to vote for anyone but McCain. “Hum, let’s see, McCain or Obama? I’ll pick Obama just to show McCain what we think of his middle of the right views.” Yeah, not likely. Anyone with an ounce of sense knows that. But for some reason he ignored logic and went courtin’ after the hard right. He vilified Obama. He made faces every time Obama spoke. He changed his position on abortion. He launched a dirty campaign. He brought on Ms. Palin (I don’t usually utter her name, too much energy was wasted on her after the RNC, but luckily Americans are smarter than they’re given credit for and now she’s seen as the huge bitchy anchor she always was). And in the process of doing all of that, he really alienated all those middle of the road voters who’ve tired of the hard right’s agenda of fear, anger, and hatred. The folks in the middle looked left and saw someone who’s rhetoric was inclusive, peaceful, and looking for solutions. They liked what they saw. Now we just need to get them to the polls November 4. 

So, once again, thank you pundits and advisors. You fucked up McCain’s whole strategy. And I will be forever grateful.

What are you going to be for Halloween? The goal is to go as the scariest thing you can think of. I'm thinking of going as Sarah Palin. A wig, some fake glasses, and one of my old business suits should do it. Tee hee...

I'm stuck between trying to hang on to hope and feeling like a major chump for believing for so long that things are great and if they aren't right now, they will be soon if you're just grateful for the things you have.

I've kind of lost my hope the past couple of weeks and I feel like I've lost a close friend, someone I love. I'm actually grieving my lost hope. I don't know if I should just allow that to run its course like any other lossed loved one, or if I should try to win it back. But lately I just feel like what's the point. I'm the poster child of "things will get better" and always say that if it didn't work out this time, that's because something better is coming. Well, I've been saying that for years but the something better is ever elusive. I'm not saying I don't have a lot of wonderful things in my life to be grateful for. I'm surrounded by wonderful people who love me. I'm well-fed, clothed and sheltered. You know the drill. But I'm thinking it may be time to leave the hopes and dreams and enter reality. Reality can't be that bad - most people spend their whole lives there, building careers and families. I guess I'll try reality for a while. Maybe one day I'll make my way back to hope again, but probably I'll discover that I like reality just fine.

I saw the most amazing thing tonight. My son was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society this evening (and what a ceremony that was!). Aside from the wonder of witnessing two dozen 8th graders all from one school - who are already displaying such amazing leadership, compassion, scholarship, and citizenship characteristics that they're being recognized for their greatness by their peers and families - I got to watch the officers of last year's NJHS (all female, I might add) conduct the ceremony and speak to what it means to be a member of the NJHS - the honor these students are being paid, the responsibility to live up to that honor, and what it really means to embody the characteristics of one who has been deemed worthy of that honor. They spoke so well and had truly profound things to say about the work and dedication it takes to earn the grades, what it means to be a leader, how it's not always easy to do the right thing but if you're living a life of integrity you know there's no other choice to make, and that helping others joyfully is what makes our world a beautiful one in which to live. These young ladies, all in the 14-year age range, were so beautiful to listen to I actually teared up a couple of times. Because everything they were saying was true! And how wonderful that they've discovered, at such a young age, that the easy way isn't necessarily the right way to live, and that something worth having is also worth working for, and all the sweeter for the effort that went into it. I was inspired, sitting there in that auditorium, watching six girls with carefully done hair and dressed just so, to live my life a little bit better. And I was insanely proud of my son who is already living his life so well that he's earned this award. And he's intent on remaining part of that group - membership comes with certain duties and obligations, obligations he's happily fulfilling. When people complain about the youth of today, they must be looking at the wrong youths. You see what you want to see in this world. Look beyond what the media sees fit to report, and there's a whole other world of beautiful people doing beautiful things to make our world a better place to live. I know because I witnessed 30 students tonight doing just that.

I want to say happy birthday to the person that taught me what love really is, my son. September 16th is the day I learned how to truly love another person, wholly and unreservedly. He changed my life forever, opened my heart to feelings I didn't know existed. Our relationship became the model upon which I built all of my relationships. Not only was it my first taste of the true enormity of Love, but once I experienced the honesty of our relationship, I wasn't willing to accept anything less of myself. Because I found myself unable to lie to him, I learned to be me and through him, learned to be me with everyone. It took years for that growth because let's face it, it took me years to become the person I was before his birth, but I've slowly found my way (I still stumble a little, but not as often anymore). And I owe all of it to my sweet boy. I love him with every ounce of my being. Thank you to whatever being loaned him to me for his time on earth. I'll take care of him as best I can.

It's been a strange day of communication, or miscommunication. I'm not sure what's leading to all the wonkiness, but I seem to be surrounded recently by just junked up weirdness.

I'm taking an online class, a humanities course called "Introduction to Literature." I signed up for it so I'd be forced to read and write again on a regular basis, and it's been good for that, but I have easily the worst instructor of my academic life. She has yet to respond to a single email or post on the class discussion board. And these aren't "Hey, how's your day" emails, but questions I and other students have about the class. Her instructions are maddeningly vague, she gives no due dates, and the page numbers she lists for reading assignments are WAY off. Why am I complaining to you, you ask? Shouldn't I be telling all of this to someone whose job it is to care? Actually, I sent quite a detailed email to her boss, the head of the English department, this evening. My temper finally just snapped, mostly due to another area in my life where communication seems to have taken a nosedive. But I do think he needed to know that people who have paid a good chunk of cash for this class aren't getting the time of day from their instructor.

I'm having a similar problem at work. Well, I'm self-employed, so I guess I should say I'm having a similar problem with the company I sub-contract out to, but you get the idea. That was the spark that set me off, actually. Seems like a bad day to leave Ang hanging, huh?

It got me thinking though. How many of our problems are due to lack of communication? I don't mean you need to tell your S.O. everything you're thinking and all that crap - that way lies trouble. But if you're unhappy with something - with your guy, your kids, your folks, the neighbor who parks in your yard - say something! People aren't mind readers (at least I've yet to meet one - clue me in if you know an honest-to-goodness mind reader!). In other words, if you're pissed off at me, don't assume I know it. If I hurt your feelings, don't assume I know it. And what's more, don't assume I mean something I never actually said. That really torks me off. I say X and then I get yelled at because so and so just KNOWS I really meant Q. Did I say Q? Hell no. I said X because I meant X. If I mean Q, you can bet your ass I'll say Q. Did I say you look good today? Then I meant it and wasn't blowing smoke. If I didn't think you looked good, I would have kept my mouth shut. I know, it can get confusing maybe, if you're not used to it, but how much easier would life be, how much easier the whole freaking planet, if people actually meant the words that came out of their mouths? I'm having a hard time picturing it, which is more than a little sad, but I know it's possible.

Well, it’s been a couple of days since my last post. I’ve gotten some feedback (mostly negative – I’m the very rare liberal in my family) and a couple of remarks that I’d like to comment on. 

First, I’d like to address why I make no mention of my kids in my blog. They’re amazing kids that I love more than air and sunshine and chocolate. And that’s why I make no mention of them, their accomplishments, anything. I got shredded by a complete stranger due to my beliefs. I won’t let that happen to my kids. I will never mention them by name, though I may occasionally by deed (my son is being inducted into NJHS tomorrow so super proud, but even that seemingly innocuous comment could lead to an ID should this blog ever become widely read). Suffice it to say I have two great kids, one amazing husband, and a really cute dog. 

Another remark I’ve heard over and over the past 7 years – Dems blame Bush for everything. First, that’s incorrect. I, for one, blame Bush, his Administration, Congress, Nancy Pelosi for taking impeachment off the table on her first day as Speaker, and the apathy of the American people for allowing him to seize power (he was not elected but placed by the Supreme Court, but no one seems to care about that. They’re more interested in “American Idol” that the American President). We may not have the president we need, but we do have the president we deserve. Second, you can’t lump an entire group together that way. Well, you can, but you show your ignorance and bigotry by doing so. There is no one view for any group of people. I don’t say all Reps are rich (a stereotype Reps seem to have given themselves, I’ve never heard a Dem say that, though a common phrase is they care more about money than people, so that may be where the rich thing came from). I don’t say they’re all racist. I don’t say they’re all homophobes. I don’t say they’re all Christian. I know a percentage of some of them are some of those things, just like a percentage of Dems is as well. I don’t dislike people for being Republican any more than I dislike someone based on skin color, religion, sexual preference, hair color, or if they eat Oreos (I’m the rare bird who can’t stand Oreos).  

Another remark I’ve heard over and over again, not just since writing my last blog entry, is that celebrities always seem to be liberal. That’s another blanket generalization, but there is a kernel of truth there, and I think I’ve figured it out. If you exchange the word celebrity for artist, anyway. See, artists need to empathize to practice their craft. How can you write a story if you can’t empathize with a character different from yourself? How can an actor lose herself in a role if she isn’t able to open herself to what another person feels? Closely related is this: one of the more pervasive battle cries of the Reps I know is that we’re all given the same opportunities to succeed in this country. From a strictly technical viewpoint, that’s true. The law does not stop anyone from going to college, pursuing a degree, and getting a job. But what about their circumstances in life? If you’ve been told you’re a worthless loser every day of your life, what do you think your confidence level is like? If you’re barely able to feed yourself every day, does college seem any more realistic to you than becoming President for the average middle class American? Your overriding goal is existence. I don’t think the average white American has any true understanding of racism, of what it really feels like. I happen to have a different perspective. I married a man of a different race. We stayed with his parents for a couple of weeks right before our son was born. I spent a lot of time with his mom, going to different stores, with her to various appointments. The very first time I sat with her in a waiting room, after about five minutes I noticed I was the only white person in the room. I felt eyes on me, curious looks, some glares. Maybe some of it was my imagination. Maybe not. But the experience is one I’ve never forgotten. I still get looks from some women when I’m out with my husband, angry looks for being with one of “their” men. I don’t notice it as much after 15 years together, but at first, it really bothered me. I guess my point is, if you can’t put yourself in someone else’s shoes and walk around for a while (paraphrasing Atticus Finch there) well, that’s where you’ve got the makings of a conservative. 

Okay, this is changing over – I was writing about what I don’t care about and it shows – how many months has it been since I posted on this darn thing anyway? I’m switching to politics which is my true passion (next to writing).  

I got majorly pissed today. A woman I don’t even know sent me a scathing email attacking me because of my political views. Not the views of a “it could be anyone” Democrat but me, Angela Escobar, the one and only (at my address anyway, there’s zillions of ‘em out there if you google the name), a person she didn’t even know. This complete stranger felt totally comfortable shredding me via email. Why? Because it’s email, I suppose. It’s the same mentality that cuts you off on the freeway. Would they push you out of the way if you were walking through the mall? Or bash into you with their cart at the grocery store? Probably not. Hopefully not. I’d like to think not. Now I’m not so sure, people seem to be really pissed off these days. And I’m fast becoming one of them. 

Right now, I’m pissed at the Democrats. Why? Because they’re falling for the smoke and mirrors yet again. The Republicans remind me of the Wizard of Oz. Don’t pay attention to that man behind the curtain! Fall for the big booming voice! Listen to the scary words! The average American is just like Dorothy – we just want to find a safe way back to the world we know, the comfortable world where we can afford our gas, our men and women aren’t getting blown up thousands of miles away (or around the corner if you live near an abortion clinic), and the price of utilities and groceries and housing hasn’t gone kerflooey. You know, normalcy. I don't know if that’s even possible any longer. But I do know that the party that got us into the mess we currently find ourselves in, you know, the Republican party, has nominated John McCain (embarrassingly a senator I actually voted for – yep, I crossed party lines and voted for that douche bag). Mr. McCain sided with Bush 90% of the time. 90%. If he were being graded he’d have gotten an A in acting like an idiot for the last 7 years. Now he wants to be the president of change? Obviously, Americans aren’t stupid enough to fall for that. And the Dems about had this thing sewed up, because Americans are much smarter than we’re given credit for (I have two straight-A students that I gave birth to, I should know). We weren’t about to fall for McCain’s “I’m the agent of change” bullshit. So what does he do? He’s a crafty politician and a very intelligent man. He brought on Sarah Palin. She’s his sleight of hand. She’s the loud booming voice that we hear while he’s the little putz behind the curtain. You remember that wizard – he was completely ineffectual. The Scarecrow already had a brain, Tin Man had a heart, Lion had courage, and Dorothy always had the power to go home right at her feet. They didn’t need the wizard at all. As long as the big booming voice was playing, putting on a good show, nobody noticed that, though, did they? Well, the Dems are falling for it. Stop! Please, just stop. Ignore the smoke and mirrors. Ignore all of it. Focus on the truth. Truth will set you free (cliché and all, but no less accurate for being one). Hope wins out over fear in the long run. It has to. 

I’m going to be posting a lot more often, and most of it will be political in nature because that’s what I care most about right now. Sometimes I’ll cite my source, but usually I’ll just be giving my opinion. I’ll tell you right now, most of my information comes from “Time” magazine, NPR, and MoveOn. I’ll grant you the third one is a partisan organization. The first two aren’t, unless you disagree with them. Then of course they must be backing the other side. That’s gonna have to be saved for a later post.  Peace to all!